Comfortably Clinical
by Sei-chan-1999
Summary: Kamui helps Subaru with his work one day and they have a chat. Angst and Fluff. Light SubKam


**Title:** Comfortably Clinical

 **By:** Sei-chan-1999/ Darkest-Symphony

 **Summary:** Kamui helps Subaru with his work one day and they have a chat. Angst and Fluff.

 **Rating:** T

 **Warning** : Mentions drug usage and it's SubKam, though ambiguous.

 **Disclaimer** : All characters belong to the enigmatic and mystical CLAMP. I just borrow them at times, play with them and then return them to their lonely shelf. Nobody notices.

XXX

Over time, it's become a habit to conduct inner monologues when he reviews case files at his desk. He started that after he turned seventeen.

It's late afternoon and the apartment is deliciously cool and shady; the curtains billowing gently as the air conditioner whirs softly from above. The papery leaves of a potted plant in the corner flutter violently and he wonders if he's accidentally killing it. The sound of traffic is not so silenced as to make him feel isolated, but just muffled. A reminder that if he's interested in leaving his hell, a noisy world waits to envelope him in its arms outside.

Subaru likes this working atmosphere.

It's comfortably clinical and though the electricity bill makes him regret it at times, it's one of his rare indulgences. In Kyoto a maid would announce herself and come in every time he tried to isolate himself, to throw open his screen doors and let in the sunlight and natural breeze, presumably on his Grandmother's orders.

Forcing those thoughts away, Subaru returns to scanning the messily pinned papers. The font is ridiculously small and slanted, forcing him to frown at it in order to extract any meaning.

 _The incident can be traced back to as early as four or five years ago._

He finds that his ideas are also better fleshed out when he counterfeits explaining his method of execution to an imaginary presence in his room and that way, he's also in a position to counter-argue and look at solutions from opposing points of view. Sometimes, the entity next to him at that time has a human face and when it slowly comes into focus on nights when he's so exhausted he's close to hallucinating, Subaru can just discern a dark and mischievous smile-

-A sharp prickle on the back of his neck making him turn messily on his chair to see Kamui studying him from the doorway. The teenager had been in the library room next door, browsing through some books and now, he's obviously in need of something better to do. Subaru wonders exactly how much time he's wasted thinking about everything _but_ the case at hand. Guilt stings him a second later.

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you," Kamui adds quickly then, "Do you want any help?"

Almost as if realizing how ridiculous that sounds, he hurriedly amends, "I meant, I could read something out loud for you or write."

His eye, of course. Though Subaru can easily forget the bandage wrapped over the injury, to Kamui it's a stark reminder of his own incompetency.

Subaru is about to suggest Kamui not trouble himself and that he should sit in the living room, but catching that flash of anxiety and pleading on his face, he realizes that telling the teenager _not_ to worry will do exactly that. He considers their situation for a moment and then realizes that the the most practical solution would be to let Kamui feel like he's atoning for his supposed sin.

"Very well," Subaru says and then gestures him over, "Come here."

Kamui stands at a polite distance and looks over his shoulder at the scattered piles of documents, copy sheets and scribbled notes, his face carefully neutral. Under normal circumstances Subaru isn't so disorganized but the world has been far beyond his control for some time now.

"This is a summary of the case," he explains, pulling out a folded fax message from beneath everything else, "Can you just read it for me again?"

It's the third damn time he's had to go over the basic details but his system is still too weak to resist the effects of the painkillers, which are doing an effective job of keeping him foggy and distracted. Maybe he really should open a window and let in some summer heat.

Kamui reads obediently, a slight frown on his features as he goes over the complex characters and three sentences in, Subaru realizes with a sinking heart that this is a complete waste of time. He's only capable of half listening anyway so he just lets the words flow over his consciousness instead, hoping the solution will present itself in due time or that his mind registers a fraction of the information through some mangled form of osmosis. He isn't up to any full-blown ceremony yet and the very thought of interacting with people in his current condition and explaining away his very conspicuous injury makes him grimace.

Midway, Kamui kneels as he continues to read, propping his arms on the desk for support and Subaru stops him.

"Sorry. I'll get you a chair."

As he says it, he realizes that he doesn't have one because it's been close to a decade since another person entered his bedroom and the other furniture is too heavy to drag here.

"I'm all right," Kamui says but Subaru starts to stand anyway, letting him know that he's not arguing the matter. There's a stool at the dining table and a smaller chair in the library. He could maybe-

Matching his speed (and taking him totally by surprise) the teenager pushes himself up with an irritated huff and perches neatly on Subaru's legs, forcing him back onto the chair with a thud. For a few blessed moments, there's nothing but stunned silence.

He stares and Kamui twists slightly to meet that gaze head on.

"You're sitting on my lap," Subaru points out calmly, a disconnected part of his mind marveling at the audacity he never possessed as a teenager. Sometimes, he forgets to separate Kamui's personality from his own and instances like these painfully remind him that they are two completely opposing forces in a capricious game of life.

"Shall I continue?" Kamui asks instead and smoothens out the creased sheet on the desk.

"By all means," Subaru sighs, but makes sure not to shift any closer.

This most certainly shouldn't, but their strange position does wonders for his concentration. He can feel Kamui's hot weight on him; the heavy thudding of a young heart, muscles tensed for a fight and the deep flush of red over his neck secretly telling Subaru that the teenager isn't quite as nonchalant as he acts about their playful intimacy. Loosely wrapping an arm around his waist to keep him from tipping over, Subaru leans his head against Kamui's back, ignoring the slight hitch of a breath as he valiantly goes on reading like nothing extraordinary has happened. Pins and needles start to form in Subaru's legs but he sits without moving, studying Kamui until he finishes.

"When will you perform the exorcism?" The teenager asks as he lays down the sheet of paper for the last time. Subaru takes it from him and absently folds it back into a haphazard square.

"When I'm not being prescribed medicines anymore," Subaru answers and shuts his eye, "It would be dangerous, otherwise."

"For you?"

"The spirit," He corrects, "They can escape, get lost or at worst, even latch onto bystanders."

"Isn't it hard for you?"

"It's my duty," Subaru answers. This is the first time he's been asked that question by someone who wields more power than himself, and it makes him wonder.

"Do you perform last rites too?" Kamui starts again after a slight pause and toys with one of the pens on the table, "Sorry. You don't have to answer me if I'm becoming a nuisance."

"That leaks," Subaru warns and the teenager winces as sticky black ink stains his fingers, "It's no trouble. And I do perform such ceremonies when it's required or upon request by a family."

He feels the boy take a deep breath. Kamui isn't facing him but his head is bowed low.

"Would you-" he begins then cuts himself off, "No. I can't."

"Tell me," Subaru says, reaching out to take the teenager's inky hand in his own. He he watches the glistening liquid dry on his own skin.

"No. I didn't say anything."

"You did," Subaru insists, "You can ask me. I know."

Hesitation, but then...

"If something ever happens during a fight," Kamui continues, so softly that he's almost whispering, "Would you perform the last rites for me?"

The only noise in the room is the circulation of frigid air above them. Kamui is hunched over and his breaths are shallow, like something trying to go unnoticed.

Subaru gently pulls him around, making sure the sixteen-year-old is looking straight at him. There's no trace of the former cheerfulness on that childish face.

He debates an answer for a long time and Kamui waits in silence until he finally speaks again.

"I will," Subaru says simply and grips his hands tighter when he slumps in relief, "But you made a promise to live first."

"I know," Kamui says, "I will."

The next part hurts him to say but Subaru says it anyway.

"I'll hold you to that," he murmurs and they embrace. It's awkward because of the two of them are sitting (not to mention one right on top of the other) and that too, facing opposite directions but they make it work. It's tight, desperate and close to painful but Subaru realizes it's what Kamui needs. When they break apart, there are ink stains on Subaru's neck and Kamui angrily rubs away a stray tear.

"Let's get you home," Subaru suggests when he's regained his composure, "Thank you for helping me."

"It's no trouble," Kamui murmurs, echoing his words from before, perhaps without even realizing it, "I can do it again, if you want."

Strangely, though, neither of them makes a move to leave.

Subaru realizes that he'll have to be the adult in this situation and gently nudge Kamui off his lap to firmly end their questionable seating arrangement. But for now, he's perfectly content to wait it out until propriety strikes.

They're eerily alike, after all.

Till then, Subaru waits in contentment and breathes in the fresh, cold air.

And strangely, his world, the one that's usually in such a hurry to end things, waits with him.

XXX

 **Author's Notes:**

Sometimes, I write because I'm inspired by the grand revelations of this twisted life and it's convoluted dichotomy of light and darkness. Other times, I need a way to escape from a monotonous reality with only one way ahead in life. This time, however, I had an intense fangirl moment and desperately lusted after a fic where Kamui sits on Subaru's lap. I couldn't find one (but you're welcome to tell me if you know of any) and so, this tiny piece was born out my selfish desire for that and my need to get back into practice writing. I hope you enjoy! It can be interpreted as brotherly or romantic.

Tell me what you think in the reviews! Thank you for reading.


End file.
